As I was sitting in church one Sunday morning, I noticed a compelling observation which prompted me to question, why are so many black mothers single? Why are so many black women single? Unmarried? A few aren’t even knocking on the marriage door, but most are, if he were the right one.

Single by Choice?

Black women are their own persons; they are independent and self-sufficient; they are strong and can do almost anything a man can. But…black women need and want life partners too. Someone to have quiet conversations with in the middle of the night; someone to mow the lawn; to go down into a dark damp and musty basement or up into a creepy attic. Someone who is not like her, but a part of her all the same.

Yes, sister-girls are nice and a heart-to-heart with God is even better. In church, when the presence of the Holy Ghost comes down, in, and through…ain’t nothing like it! But when she walks through the door of her town home, condo, tri-level mansion, or two bedroom rental she wishes for a moment, a size 12 ½ pair of shoes were walking through the door with her.

The “Single” Status of Black Women

There are real conversations going on about singleness and the unmarried status of too many black women. Seventy percent of black women are not married. Seventy-two percent of black females are single moms. One of the overriding factors contributing to this phenomenon is too many young black males serving time in prison. In Chicago alone, eighty-percent of black males carry the weight of a felony on their record. This is a costly blow, even if one has paid his debt to society, it means finding work and supporting a family is significantly compromised.

Unfortunately, for black women, black men available for marriage have a pool of various ethnicities to choose from. The landscape is very competitive. Smith, a relationship and dating expert list several reasons why black women don’t make it to the wedding chapel.

• Black male shortage
• Black women are too angry, abrasive, and brash
• Some have weighed their options and made conscious decisions to remain single
• Black men don’t marry the attributes nor images of their mothers in the women they date, whereas other ethnicities do.
• Women are pursuing careers and waiting until they are too old to seriously pursue a marriage partner.

Why Too Many Black Women are Single

And here is my two cents. Black women are so preoccupied with raising children, helping their mothers and extended family members, working in church, they forget to take care of themselves. They become overweight and stop doing the things necessary to stay at their beautiful best outwardly and inwardly. And let’s face it, appearance is the number one appeal factor for men.

A problem like this has no easy fixes. The reality is that black women have to be open to looking beyond their own race for companionship.

Solutions 

A long-term solution, is black mothers must work harder to raise successful black young men. Teach them not to buy into the propaganda that dark-skinned women can’t be beautiful. Teach them to take pride in their heritage, foster integrity, honesty, and respect for black women, so they will be honored to take her as his wife.

Mothers, teach your daughters to love, love, love who they are and who they will become. If you don’t love yourself, it becomes difficult for others to love and value you. Women are not bitches, teach your daughters to never answer to it.

Never give up. If marriage is your heart’s desire, just like anything that you really want, create a plan.  Successful relationships don’t just happen; map out a plan, and set a goal. In the meantime, have fun! Don’t put your life on hold while you are on your journey. Disregard the statistics, it never stopped black people from pursuing and achieving their destiny despite insurmountable odds.