Single mothers

Aging Gracefully No. 3 When Does Life Begin?

by Maddy Banks

Supernatural

In the process of aging gracefully, I am continually searching for new ideas and new ways to look at life and how it’s affecting me and I am affecting it. This prompted me to reevaluate my days, thereby giving myself permission to begin each day anew, similar to the concept of being born again. This idea has the flavor of a supernatural phenomenon. A new birth bursting with the aura of freedom; the freedom to begin again and to do it well! When Does Life Begin? Today!

WHEN DOES LIFE BEGINCapture the Essence of Life Beginning Again

The possibilities are endless and are limitless, as we are transformed in the afterbirth of our existence and free to conquer what was impossible the day before. How can this happen? As we are favored and graced with the privilege of the dawning of a new day, we are invited to capture the essence of life beginning again! How mind blowing is that!

All That and More!Celebrate New Birth

Living again—only this time with a wealth of knowledge, wisdom, and foresight to live joyfully with purpose, vision, and thoughtfulness. Last night’s birthing process provided for a readiness to step forward to be the light that shines brightly, hopefully illuminating a righteous and moral path for others worth following.

Live Joyfully

I absolutely love beginning life! It’s fun, rewarding, dynamic, heartbreaking, difficult, sad, compassionate, forgiving, sacrificial, and empowering. Yes! All that and more. When does life begin? Thankfully, it begins with you and me as we are aging gracefully.

Shots Fired: Chicago!

by Maddy Banks

Yesterday, I stopped by Calumet Park Elementary School with my sister to pick up my twelve and thirteen year old niece and nephew who are in the sixth and seventh grade. School normally lets out at 2:30; at 2:45 the school doors were still closed. No kids where milling about laughing, playing or making their way to the yellow buses as they stood empty. I knew something was amiss.

I got out of the car, which I didn’t want to do because I was still having problems with my left knee. As I walked towards the front door, I was met by a young lady who informed me the school was on lock-down. A shooting recently occurred near the school and the police officials advised the school authorities not to release any students until they felt it was safe to do so. Parents were allowed to go into the school and personally pick up their children. So, of course I went inside and asked for both my niece and nephew.

It was an eerie feeling as each parent gave their child’s name and grade to the principal, who then called each name over the intercom. Mary, Sharon, Latisha, Jason, please come down to the main door. Only one door was available for exit at the time. I felt as if I were part of a scene in a Lifetime movie.

Thankfully, the children were never at risk, nevertheless the prospect of violence was way too close for comfort. As I was speaking to the bus driver, who looked to be in his late fifties to early sixties, we shared comments that the wave of violence the black neighborhoods were experiencing was ridiculous. And, I felt this gentlemen’s sense of hopelessness about the problem and simply not knowing what to do.

The incidents of black young men senselessly murdering their own leaves me and many others overwhelmed. Yes we are praying, listening to WVON talk radio, and other news outlets talk about the problem. There are solutions being thrown out there to stop the violence such as making rap artist accountable for their lyrics, increasing job availability for youth, reforming the availability of services available for those released from jail, and other similar solutions. A WLS/ABC website has a list of resources aimed at providing solutions; however, immediate answers are not forthcoming.

This emotionally and spiritually deficit picture being painted of a tainted population and community of Black people is heartbreaking. It sends a message of pain, helplessness, and hopelessness as the violence appears to be escalating. And summer ain’t even here yet. At one time people felt horrible about war-torn areas around the world, but now no one has look that far. How about right out your back door or window?

Yes, Black lives do matter, but we are the first ones who must realize and embrace this. Who are the influences of today? Why aren’t they doing more, and  crying loudly and not sparing? We need to show our young brothers and sisters their transgressions (Isaiah 58:1). Who are these young people listening to? These are those who need to speak up and out. Many say they are not role models, but most are whether they want to be or not. Something revolutionary has to be done. HELP!

Black Women: Unmarried, Not By Choice

by Maddy Banks

574993779_7dfd93b2bb_bAs I was sitting in church one Sunday morning, I noticed a compelling observation which prompted me to question, why are so many black mothers single? Why are so many black women single? Unmarried? A few aren’t even knocking on the marriage door, but most are, if he were the right one.

6926086421_3a0ef59e39_nSingle by Choice?

Black women are their own persons; they are independent and self-sufficient; they are strong and can do almost anything a man can. But…black women need and want life partners too. Someone to have quiet conversations with in the middle of the night; someone to mow the lawn; to go down into a dark damp and musty basement or up into a creepy attic. Someone who is not like her, but a part of her all the same.

Yes, sister-girls are nice and a heart-to-heart with God is even better. In church, when the presence of the Holy Ghost comes down, in, and through…ain’t nothing like it! But when she walks through the door of her town home, condo, tri-level mansion, or two bedroom rental she wishes for a moment, a size 12 ½ pair of shoes were walking through the door with her.

The “Single” Status of Black Women

There are real conversations going on about singleness and the unmarried status of too many black women. Seventy percent of black women are not married. Seventy-two percent of black females are single moms. One of the overriding factors contributing to this phenomenon is too many young black males serving time in prison. In Chicago alone, eighty-percent of black males carry the weight of a felony on their record. This is a costly blow, even if one has paid his debt to society, it means finding work and supporting a family is significantly compromised.

Unfortunately, for black women, black men available for marriage have a pool of various ethnicities to choose from. The landscape is very competitive. Smith, a relationship and dating expert list several reasons why black women don’t make it to the wedding chapel.

  • Black male shortage
  • Black women are too angry, abrasive, and brash
  • Some have weighed their options and made conscious decisions to remain single
  • Black men don’t marry the attributes nor images of their mothers in the women they date, whereas other ethnicities do.
  • Women are pursuing careers and waiting until they are too old to seriously pursue a marriage partner.

Why Too Many Black Women are Single

And here is my two cents. Black women are so preoccupied with raising children, helping their mothers and extended family members, working in church, they forget to take care of themselves. They become overweight and stop doing the things necessary to stay at their beautiful best outwardly and inwardly. And let’s face it, appearance is the number one appeal factor for men.

A problem like this has no easy fixes. The reality is that black women have to be open to looking beyond their own race for companionship.

Solutions 

A long-term solution, is black mothers must work harder to raise successful black young men. Teach them not to buy into the propaganda that dark-skinned women can’t be beautiful. Teach them to take pride in their heritage, foster integrity, honesty, and respect for black women, so they will be honored to take her as his wife.

Mothers, teach your daughters to love, love, love who they are and who they will become. If you don’t love yourself, it becomes difficult for others to love and value you. Women are not bitches, teach your daughters to never answer to it.

5481998203_552d241601_bNever give up. If marriage is your heart’s desire, just like anything that you really want, create a plan.  Successful relationships don’t just happen; map out a plan, and set a goal. In the meantime, have fun! Don’t put your life on hold while you are on your journey. Disregard the statistics, it never stopped black people from pursuing and achieving their destiny despite insurmountable odds.